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Huge Dilemma... :(

K

Kronos

Guest
#1
I have been keeping this to myself for a long time. I cannot overcome the guilt I feel which is why I haven't wanted to share my thoughts. Recently I did muster up the courage to share with everyone my hardships and ask for advice.

The short story version is that I am keeping my two cats separated all the time. Kronos is getting depressed and my husband and I are growing more and more stressed out by the day. I don't know if you have ever had to keep animals separated before, but after a while it really wears you down. So we have been thinking about whether it would be in Kronos' best interest to find him a new home.

Here is the long version of how/why it has come to this:

Solo, my Ragdoll, seems like he has always just tolerated Kronos. Eventually Solo started bullying him, to the point Kronos would be backed into a corner, ducking down with his ears back, rolling over on to his back, and Solo would go after him and make him screetch. Kronos is always submissive to him. It got bad enough that I wanted to protect Kronos and have kept him confined in my bedroom for his own safety. Why not lock up Solo? He is awful, scratches the carpets and yowls and goes crazy. Kronos adjusts easier and is fine in there, but obviously not happy.

With Kronos being away from Solo, Solo has become happier; he seeks out attention from us more often, he sits on my lap (never used to), kneads more, purrs more, everything. This is how he was before we brought Kronos home too, ever since the addition of a 2nd cat he has changed. When Kronos had free run of the house, Solo will duck away from us if we try to pet him, and if he isn't harassing Kronos he is hiding or sulking, or just overall being anti social. The moment he knows he is the only baby in the house, his attitude completely changes.

We think Solo is trying to tell us that he wants to be an only cat. Since he was here first, it would be unfair to keep Kronos and rehome Solo, but we have thought about that too.

Last night I let Kronos out for some free time around the house, he was laying in the kitchen with my dog and Solo was laying there too. They stayed there for several minutes, in the sun just snoozing, all happy. Solo suddenly jumped up and bit him hard in the butt.. Kronos screamed and ran off and I had to break them up. I don't understand why Solo is so angry at him :(

The weird thing is that sometimes they do get along! Kronos is always trying to be friends and will snuggle with Solo and they will groom each other for a few minutes. Sometimes they do play nice too. It is just that often times Solo takes things too far, and if Kronos stays out with free run he gets very anti social and angrier by the day.

Kronos did have free run from the time he was around 3 or 4 months old up until 8 months old. So in that period of 5 months is how long we have tried. Maybe I am just not giving Solo enough time?

What it comes down to is that I hate having to keep them separated. It breaks my heart. If one is happy, the other is not. I can't make them both happy right now so I really don't know what to do :(

I don't want to rehome Kronos if I don't have to, but I want the best for everyone. I just cannot take keeping them separated anymore.


Thanks for listening....
 

Jacq

Savannah Super Cat
#2
Oh no, Alisha. I am so sorry to hear about this. I would contact Marilyn, the CAT COACH. She might be able to help.
 
#4
I'm sorry to hear the difficulty that you are having. I too have at points kept my cats separate. Though I chose differently than you. And as we speak, Shadow is grounded to the basement right now. How my choice differs from yours is that I have confined the offending cat. Why would I punish Zeus when he hasn't done anything wrong. It seems to get through (being confined that is). After she is confined all is well for about a week, maybe two and then she slips up. This is only the second time she has been confined, and I don't confine her for more than 2 or 3 days. I'm hoping over time she will learn that her behavior isn't appropriate. The biggest thing for me about confining shadow is I have to confine her right when she attacks either Zues or Abu. Otherwise, I don't think she will make the coorelation. She certainly knows that what she is wrong, last week she got a face full of 32 oz of ice cold water (no ice), after going after Abu.

I think by confining Kronos, you are reaffirming bad behavior in Solo. In fact in a sense you are rewarding her, giving her what she wants. Also I believe you are reinforcing the hide and submissive behavior in Kronos, by confining him.

Something to consider in your decision. Which cat is going to have a harder time in a new home. Savannah's bond very strongly with their people ...

Like mentioned above, I would consult Marylin before making any final decisoins.
 
M

MK Anderson

Guest
#5
I have to agree with Rob on solo should be the one put away!!! I have two cats that hate each other and always will! I'm not stressed tho and no one is going anywhere. We make is work! I guess I'm lucky I have a lot of time at home and a large home. Chloe has her own bedroom set up to the tee and she is allowed out in the house too. I keep close watch on them when they are out. When I'm not home she is happy to be in her room(she like to be alone, she not a cuddlier with other cats) and when she naps that is where she resides too, her room. I have also worked with them over the last couple months clicker training and it has gotten better. I also had a cat the was coming up to the room where all their toys are, which has been blocked off from the outside cat.

I really think your best bet is Marilyn! Hope things get better!!!
 
K

Kronos

Guest
#6
I wrote in my original post that I cannot confine Solo because he destroys things. I would have to confine him in the bathroom or somewhere without carpet... even still he shrieks and we have neighbors that complain :(
 

Medesha

Savannah Super Cat
#7
Have you tried to do another slow introduction of the two of them? As long as there's enough space for one cat or the other to escape to, I would see if they couldn't work it out. I'm no expert or nothin' but I don't see how separating them helps the issue. Has either cat pulled out the other's fur or drawn blood?

I though Vakai and Erra weren't going to get along- Vakai wasn't mean or bullying- unless you count he kept trying to dominate her- and Erra wasn't having any of it, hissing and yowling. I know it didn't help that Vakai is a bit bigger than her. But they worked it out and now they explore all over the house. Maybe Solo and Kronos need a lot more time?
 
#8
Have you tried to do another slow introduction of the two of them? As long as there's enough space for one cat or the other to escape to, I would see if they couldn't work it out. I'm no expert or nothin' but I don't see how separating them helps the issue. Has either cat pulled out the other's fur or drawn blood?

I though Vakai and Erra weren't going to get along- Vakai wasn't mean or bullying- unless you count he kept trying to dominate her- and Erra wasn't having any of it, hissing and yowling. I know it didn't help that Vakai is a bit bigger than her. But they worked it out and now they explore all over the house. Maybe Solo and Kronos need a lot more time?
Separation, provides a little cooling off time. I'm not sure that a slow re-introduction will do much to help. I think Solo already has it in her head that she is the dominant cat, and Kronos too. Until that is changed, or they recognize Alisha asserts dominance by curbing the behavior of Solo. I don't think much will change.
 
#9
I wrote in my original post that I cannot confine Solo because he destroys things. I would have to confine him in the bathroom or somewhere without carpet... even still he shrieks and we have neighbors that complain :(
I understand your limitations and concerns. I wish I could do more to help.

I hope Marilyn replies quickly and can be of assistance. I'm pretty confident her first question in her response will be about verticle space ... Do you have enough?
 
K

Kronos

Guest
#10
I have two cat trees that are 7 or 8' tall, a window perch, and a small cat tree. I have a small condo so really can't fit more in it.