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To Bread or Not...

Trish Allearz

This is a story I wrote after a hilarious discussion ensued on the SV pets' lists on Yahoo... You can view other funnies on my site...

Recently, there have been an influx of Savannah breaders online… They usually post ads that state, “Pure bread Savannah, part WILD CAT, asking $10,000.”
Now, you may not feel like this concerns you, but I am here to tell you- breading Savannahs is a very tricky process and I do not recommend it for amateurs!
Thanks to a recent discussion on the Savannah Pets List, I have created this recipe for those of you interested in breading your very own Savannahs!
First, set out a shot glass, then a bottle of Jack Daniels (simply wine will not do here! It must be Jack!). Then you will want a paper bag filled with bread crumbs, pepper and salt- to taste- and a very large bowl. On one side, set a crate of eggs and beside that, I recommend a full First-Aid kit and perhaps a cell phone pre-dialed to 911 (in case you are preparing to bread an F1 or F2).
Your next step involves taking a shot of your Jack Daniels (once again, in case of an F1-F2, you might want to start with two shots) and then find your cat. Realize he is probably on top of the refrigerator, staring down at you, trying to comprehend what idiocy you are about to attempt.
Climb up to the top of the fridge and remove said-cat. Take the quick thump on the head with grace when he Serval-smacks you- after all, you were the one who had this great idea to bread Savannahs in the first place!
After you wrap your arms around your Savannah and pry him from the fridge, carry him to your counter where you have prepared to bread him. Realize as you try to crack eggs into the bowl while he is squirming in your arms and his claws are digging into your very delicate parts that you should have done this step ahead of time! Finally, when you have a bowl full of eggs, attempt to dip your Savannah in.
Take a breath of relief when you realize your Savannah actually enjoys this part of the breading process! Take a moment to smile and laugh as he dives into the eggs and smacks his lips, his big tongue rasping up towards his nose.
Now comes the trickier part… At this juncture, you may skip the shot glass and just glug the Jack Daniels.
With both hands, remove your now slippery Savannah from the egg bath and attempt to hoist him into baggy with your breading accouterments. Now is not the time to panic as he opens his mouth and gives you a full-on Serval hiss and you realize that cats actually have a full set of thirty teeth- 12 incisors, 10 premolars, 4 molars and 4 very sharp canines, you note- and that your Savannah’s teeth are perhaps a bit bigger and a bit sharper looking then the average feline.
Shriek like a girl when your Savannah rakes his claws across your forearms and then attaches himself to you. Take a moment to reflect that you should have trimmed his nails before attempting to bread your cat, but realize it is now or never!
Taking a deep breath, shove your Savannah’s big butt into the paper bag and attempt to shake it to cover him with bread crumbs, pepper and salt- and then scream like a BLEEP when he shreds the bag and springs out at you, smacking you upside the head for the indignity he has just suffered!
Watch in shame as your Savannah leaps back up to the top of the fridge and cleans himself. Survey the mess of eggs, eggshells, broken glass as the Jack Daniel’s bottle has hit the floor, and the bread crumbs mix paw prints that lead up to the top of the fridge.
At this point in time, you will realize-
Perhaps you should leave the Savannah breading to the experts.
Thank you, Savannah Pets List, for the idea behind this article!

Trish Allearz

Yep, it was totally totally intentional ;) But that's pretty typical when you hear of someone wanting to 'bread'. Or there are the 'purebread' cats- is that pure white or wheat, I wonder?