I live within a 2 minute drive of my vet so I had an easy time desensitizing my SVs. With each one, I'd take them to the vet for social visits where everyone fussed over them, the cats got used to the smells and noises and then we'd go home. I did this about 2x a week for a month. When it came time for shots & neutering, we had no problems. I still take them for social visits to ensure that the 2 large, strong cats are easy to handle should an emergency health situation arise.
Good luck finding a vet with a better attitude than your current vet.
I did the same thing Deborah...