Trouble adjusting?

[MorganDax]

Sorry this is a bit long, but I want to make sure I give enough backstory. I've noticed behaviour changes in my 3 year old F6 female the past few months that I'm a little worried about.

She's the same with eating, litter box habits, energy levels, etc., but definitely less inclined to be touched, pet, cuddled, be on my lap, and she doesn't sleep with me as often either. Her first 2 years she was very cuddly and affectionate and now she shies away whenever I try to pet her. Slinking away like she clearly doesn't want to be touched. If myself or my boyfriend picks her up she immediately goes very stiff and squirmy and tries to swipe at our face (not necessarily aggressively, sometimes it seems playful, but it can still hurt!) whereas before I could hold her like a baby on her back or throw her over my shoulder and she would just purr away and love the attention. She's never been super fond of my boyfriend, but she's always tolerated him, haha.

I got a second kitten from a different breeder and I think it has something to do with that, but I'm not sure how to make her feel included more, without ostracizing the kitten. I've had the kitten for over 4 months now and I did a full month quarantine with gradual scent swapping. They play well together most of the time, taking turns chasing each other back and forth, and it usually looks like they're having good fun, though sometimes the kitten complains - whines and hisses (I know she's not being hurt in any way, she just doesn't like it when the older one pins her down.)

I never see them cuddle together and when I get home from work they're never on the same furniture, in the same room, or even on the same floor of the house. One will always come from upstairs to greet me and the other is in the living room. So I don't think they have bonded very strongly. The kitten is very toy possessive and growls with favourite toys that used to be the older ones. Kitten is also inclined to steal food if I don't keep a careful eye on her, though she's getting better with that now, and chubby, haha. I spend alone time with the older one sometimes with because the kitten tends to hog playtime when I get toys going for them and it's only been the past week or two that I've even been able to get them both playing at the same time and the older one still keeps her distance because the kitten charges in like a maniac (i.e. typical kitten, lol.)

Could it be a jealousy thing? Is she resentful towards me for bringing a kitten home? Will they always be like this? Is it because it's two females?

What is the solution? IS there one? Do I just need to be more patient? I miss my lovey girl.

 

[Patti]

It's very possible your older cat feels usurped by the kitten, and rejected by you. I would start by spending dedicated time with the older cat, if possible twice a day - play with her, give her treats, or just give her as much loving as she will allow. This will help her know that she is still loved and an important member of the family.

 

[MorganDax]

It's very possible your older cat feels usurped by the kitten, and rejected by you. I would start by spending dedicated time with the older cat, if possible twice a day - play with her, give her treats, or just give her as much loving as she will allow. This will help her know that she is still loved and an important member of the family.

This won't make the kitten feel left out? She of course wants to be involved in everything as well. She's not allowed in the basement, due to the kitten eating everything and the basement being too full of random dangers for her, and she always looks so confused and dejected whenever I let the older one down but tell the kitten "no." I also sometimes lock the kitten out of my office to have alone time with the older cat. More like twice a week than twice a day though, so I will up the regularity of those times. I've just been worried about what affect it will have on the new kitten. Will it make her more toy/food aggressive?

 

[WitchyWoman]

I've just been worried about what affect it will have on the new kitten. Will it make her more toy/food aggressive?

The kitten's behavior is typical -- the world evolves around her and everything is supposed to be hers. If she has a dominant-aggressive personality, locking her out of a room won't make it worse or better.

I agree with Patti that more dedicated time with the older cat will help as will the passage of time. I've never been a fan of having two or more female cats. Females have a tendency to either not get along or simply learn to tolerate each other. Of course this can happen with all males too, but the majority of anecdotal stories seem to favor easier relationships between female/male or male/male pairings. The bond between your two may get better once the kitten is spayed if she isn't already.

There will likely be hierarchy issues as the kitten matures. One of them will be the boss cat and that too can shift as they age.

 

[Ninja-n-Bear]

Kitten is also inclined to steal food if I don't keep a careful eye on her, though she's getting better with that now

You could try feeding your older girl up high where the kitten can't get to her, or feed out of the sight line of the kitten, if that continues being an issue. Food stealing caused a lot of resentment/fights in our house until I tried separation, and that's with two boys that adore each other.

The kitten is very toy possessive and growls with favourite toys that used to be the older ones

Maybe buy a special toy just for her? One that you play with only during your alone time? I agree with the others that setting time aside daily for her is a good idea. If there was a time of day when she was particularly lovey before (Bear loves 3pm belly rubs, and seeks me out daily for them), I'd try consistently for that same time of day.

 

[MorganDax]

The kitten's behavior is typical -- the world evolves around her and everything is supposed to be hers. If she has a dominant-aggressive personality, locking her out of a room won't make it worse or better.

I agree with Patti that more dedicated time with the older cat will help as will the passage of time. I've never been a fan of having two or more female cats. Females have a tendency to either not get along or simply learn to tolerate each other. Of course this can happen with all males too, but the majority of anecdotal stories seem to favor easier relationships between female/male or male/male pairings. The bond between your two may get better once the kitten is spayed if she isn't already.

There will likely be hierarchy issues as the kitten matures. One of them will be the boss cat and that too can shift as they age.

The kitten came already spayed and microchipped.

I actually wanted a male over a female, but the only male in the litter I was looking at was spoken for and I'd already waited for quite a few months for a litter with my preferred colours, and didn't realize there would be another litter coming up soon with my preferred colour(s) or I would have waited. But I also didn't want to keep putting it off because the older my older girl got, the worse I knew it would be trying to introduce another cat. The breeder said she's never noticed any difference with male/female female/female pairings getting along or not, and that it had more to do with personality. I've had lots of regular domestics, but I've actually never had a male cat before, always females for some reason so I had nothing really to go on, but any time I've seen friends with multiple cats it always seemed to me that males were a bit more chill with their housemates. Anyway, It's a moot point now.

I'll definitely make more time to spend alone with the older one and see if that helps.

Thanks everyone.