One stressed mommy

[WitchyWoman]

Gosh, there a few things that could be going on with Lotto -- he may be picking up on the vibes from you and hubby and may be confused or depressed about the emotional aura in the house; while he accepts Bucky, he may be a bit jealous/depressed about the newcomer; he may be sick so keep an eye on him. Try to spend some one-on-one time playing and cuddling with him.

 

[l.i.t]

I'd better clarify.... BIL passed away a month ago, so now there isn't as much intensity of sadness - more just a background 'cloud' hovering. Lot's change in energy and sleeping under the bed has just been yesterday and today. He could just be over stressed as a combination of all the things. But also, yesterday and today are the first times we haven't put Bucky back in his 'room' - before that, he was quarantined at night and if we were gone during the day. I definitely will keep an eye on him for health reasons. He does have a small ASD, but it was only .7mm and was pretty much diagnosed as insignificant and stable at his last vet visit (one month ago)

 

[Eddies]

When Eddie "came out", he gave ALL the kitty enthusiasm ALL night long & ALL day long & oh my...it was a matter of finally bringing Eddie back into the bedroom & shutting the door at bedtime not only so the older cats could get a rest but also because our youngest was reeking havoc thru the house all night so we were cleaning house (again) when we got up in the morning...cupboards open, garbage can (& lid open) knocked over ; he can even open drawers...! It took Eddie another couple of months to begin to quiet down & he still "sleeps" with us; lots of noisy toys, climbers, treats, etc...but I don't have to clean the house again so early & altho neutering helped a little he is still the most energetic thing in the house. Sorry for your loss, hopefully Bucky & your spouse will lean on each other, your other cats might just need a daily break from the kittens antics, as for emptying cat boxes...I do it every other day after Eddie finishes...lol.

 

[SV Dad]

My condolences on your BIL.
Relax. Just like everyone is saying.
Years ago my youngest son picked out a shelter kitty around 5 months old. It was very odd that this kitten loved everybody but me. Took us a while for us to figure out he was probably abused by an adult male. I was always good and non threatening toward this kitten. About a year later, I was his best buddy in the house. So yeah the bonding process is important, but cats as a rule are very intelligent and in the long run, will bond with the people who fill the feed bowl. Hang in there.

 

[Patti]

If they are playing hard in the morning then he may just be exhausted because he's not used to being so active yet. Going under the bed may be a retreat for him expressing his need to rest and escape from the intense play. It's possible he is also depressed abut the new kitty as well, although I think you would likely see other jealous behaviors it that was the issue. In any case, it is always a good thing to give extra attention to the 'old' cat in the household when bringing a 'new' cat into the fold.

 

[l.i.t]

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom. An update on Bucky - all is well there. He is definitely part of the family and has warmed up to both my husband and I. He comes to us before we are awake, purring, and noses us until we wake up. He occasionally gives head bumps, and follows me around almost all the time.

Lotto and Bucky are getting along very well, although Lotto tires of Bucky being everywhere he is. Bucky kind of just takes what he wants - and Lotto will fight him for a bit, but always eventually gives in. The latest *fight* has been over Lotto's place in the bed, behind my knees. Bucky wants to either share or have it, and Lotto fights but eventually walks away. Still, Lotto grooms him and follows him around just as much as Bucky follows Lot around.

Lotto is no longer hiding under the bed, although he does get tired from playing with Bucky,and so still sleeps a lot. I am trying to give him a similar amount of attention/affection as I used to, but he is (for the most part) giving me the cold shoulder. He will be normal around me when we take walks outside (where Bucky can't go yet), but as soon as we are back in the house, he ignores me and shrugs away from my touch. Not sure if this is what usually happens when a new kitty is introduced, but I do hope it evens out because he is my first special little boy... And he and I always did have a good relationship.

All in all, I suppose things are on the positive side. I am glad he and Bucky are getting along and I'm happy Bucky feels a part of the household. He definitely is a mischievous little guy! ;-)

L

 

[WitchyWoman]

Thanks for the update. Happy to hear that the cats are adjusting.

Each time a new animal is added to a home, the hierarchy changes. It changes over time and can take a year or three. Hierarchy changes as the animals mature. Lotto could be a bit resentful that Bucky is there even though they get along. My cats always welcomed the newcomer and got increasingly resentful/jealous as they came to realize the newcomer was actually staying. One would get clingy, one would give me the cold shoulder, one would act out and start all sort of trouble.

What I always find interesting is how tolerant the adults were toward the new kitten. They would give up toys and favorite sleeping places for the kitten and put up with antics that would drive me crazy. Around my house, at the year mark the youngest was shown quite clearly by the elders that tolerance for kitten antics was wearing thin and time to compromise. At the 3 yr mark some turf wars broke out but were quickly settled. I'm going through this for the 4th and last time and the pattern stays the same.

 

[Patti]

These behaviors are fairly typical when a new cat is brought into the home. It is very important that you continue to give Lotto plenty of one-on-one time in addition to his walks outdoors. As Deborah says, they will workout the hierarchy over time...

 

[l.i.t]

Thanks, you guys - my question is this... If he's not accepting my attention or affection, do I just keep trying? The main reason we got a second kitty was mostly for Lotto to have someone to play with,as he had lost interest in toys. So Lotto doesn't respond to toy play, and he has never been a food motivated pet.

When we put Bucky in a room, Lotto will open the door so Bucky can come back out - and same thing when Lotto is in a room, he won't focus on 'us' time - he will open the door to get out so he can keep an eye on Bucky. So time alone is difficult.

That being said, we have time during the night where we sleep together - and all during the day I am rubbing him, talking to him, trying to headbutt him, and doing 'our' things like letting him drink from the faucet or rubbing our favorite hairbrush together. Sometimes he partakes, sometimes he doesn't. But none of that is 100% alone time.

Should I try to force a closed room session or just keep doing what I am doing and wait for him to come around? I will add that when I took him into a separate room the other day, he growled at me for the first time.

The 'feelings' I get from Lotto are that he is angry that I let Bucky stay here and don't kick him out.... And that he is resentful toward me that he has to put up with all the fighting, biting, taking over of spaces, etc.

I give him all the love and attention I can b/c I do miss my little boy and our connection. But I am willing to give him whatever he needs to get back to his normal laid back playful self.

 

[Eddies]

I still feel the quarantine was not all it should have been, your family was grieving, stressed, & now you have to "fix" it...getting a cat for a cat is a good thought but idealistic...as long as Lotto checks out healthy remind yourself just 1 time: Lotto did not want a new pet in the house so I hope you did. Your choices are numerous but Lotto doesn't want to spend time alone with you while he "NEEDS" to be sure the new kitty isn't stepping over invisible lines drawn by Lotto... it's a cat thing, an adult control freak sort of thing, lol. Since Lotto is neither food nor toy motivated WHAT is he motivated by besides territory? In my house I would attempt to give Lotto some thing better to do than obsess over Bucky but it sounds like time is going to be your best friend while they learn to live together you simply maintain their trust in you & control any hair flying issues while not placing blame on either cat... sit back, drink your coffee (or what ever) & relax, they will work it out...over & over & over, until they refine their relationship to fit themselves. You'll know when it happens, Lotto will come back to his old self (mostly) & Bucky will push all the limits until they fit him. The more you relax, the faster they will learn to live with each other.