Well, I am once again in need of help. It almost seems as if any progress we have made has disappeared. I've been stopping his excessive play aggression with the other cats - it's nearly impossible to stop it before it happens, since his play is rough, and with them running back and forth across the house and under the bed, etc, I can't see enough of his face to tell when he's getting too wound up. But I have been stopping it as soon as it happens and I can catch him. I've been immediately putting him in time out. But he take a little longer than 5-10 minutes to 'wind down', so he usually ends up in there for 15-20 minutes. Even then, sometimes he will come right back and do the same thing, just to end up in time out again.
So here's where we are today:
- Bucky is (to us) and incredibly muscular and strong boy - he is about 11.5-12lbs now at 6.5 months....and he is so strong, we can't even hold him down ourselves. At 4.5 months, when he had the stomach xray at the vet's 3 of us couldn't hold him down and he had to be sedated. This may be how most F2's are - but Lotto was always thin and tall/long, weighing less than he looked. Bucky is the opposite - all muscle, and weighing far more than he looks. He's just crazy strong, and if we can't hold him down, you can imagine how the other cats are.
- Bucky is ending up in time out anywhere from about 5-8 times a day. As soon as we hear one of the other cats do their 'help me' growl (so we know it's not just play), we intervene. We give our 'warning' signal, and if he continues to provoke or chase, we pick him up, and put him in time out.
- We have been at this for 2 weeks now, and it is the same thing every day - it's like we aren't making much progress (if any) at all.
- It *has* helped my relationship with Lotto, as I think he realizes I am trying to help him....but he still has degraded in his personality when in the house. He becomes despondant, doesn't want to play with Bucky, sullen, hides, and will put his head on his arms and just stare into nothing. AKA, he's really depressed. You can just see it in his eyes. My heart just goes to pieces when I see him like this.
- Toot, our other cat, still just goes about her day fairly normally. Which leads me to believe part of Lotto's depression may still be related to jealousy over me playing with Bucky.
- Lotto and I are spending a lot of time outdoors together, mostly because he is completely nonresponsive to interaction indoors. Outdoors, he is completely normal and playful.
- Bucky and Lotto still touch noses occasionally, and will very occasionally have a good play session. So I think it has less to do with getting along, and more to do with Lotto and Toot avoiding Bucky b/c of the aggression.
- We've decided Bucky has two types of agression. One is a pretty well developed play aggression where he just gets wound up and regular play gets out of hand. The other is a more bullying type of aggression where when he wants something, he will initiate a false attack on the other cat for what they have. For instance, if I am giving out freeze dried chicken, and I give Bucky his first (or Lotto - it really doesn't matter)....Bucky doesn't want *his*, he wants Lotto's. So he will go over, and jump on top of lotto with the head lock move, until Lotto moves out of the way, and Bucky gets his chicken. If Lotto moved over to Bucky's chicken, the same thing happens. This happens with toys, perches, etc. The other way Bucky tends to bully is that if he wants to play and the other cats don't, then he will 'force' the issue by pouncing on them and attacking until they are forced to defend themselves. Thus, he in a sense, gets what he wants. We also try to intervene when this happens, although this is a little tougher to notice than him being would up.
- My relationship with Bucky has deteriorated b/c of the time out issue - my husband really just avoids dealing with it, as he is completely fed up with Bucky's treatment of the other cats. So I end up being the disciplinarian, and now Bucky will run away from my sometimes or shy away when I try to pet him. Most of the time, our relationship is decent and we still play together (wand toys, chase each other, etc)....but with so much time out all the time, by the end of the day, he tends to be afraid? of me, I suppose. It breaks my heart.
- We both love little Bucky so very much. When he's not being aggressive, he's so much fun, and oh so cute. We love turning on and off the shower for him, flushing the toilet and watching him paddle. We play with him under his twisty pile of butcher paper, and he loves loves loves to be chased, doing the side walk and getting puffy - then jumping up to touch noses with me.
At this point, we would just settle for ANY improvement. I'm not sure why things regressed....it's nothing I can identify. And it's such a far place from where we were in the very beginning where he and Lotto had a LOT more fun play than bad. And even though Lotto was irritated with me, he was enjoying the play that came with Bucky. We just seem to have gone the opposite of how things *should have gone*.
We've spoken to our breeder, and she admits that Bucky was aggressive at her house, as well. But that Bucky's playmate (who was 6 months older) was even more aggressive than Bucky, so she kept him in check. Unfortunately, neither of our cats are aggressive - and Bucky has grown so much that they are pretty much defenseless as well.
Bucky's breeder, also said she really has no other suggestions. She mentioned Feliway, but when I told her we had already been using it for 5 weeks, with no luck, she said she was out of suggestions. She was very apologetic, and said that she really believes he will calm down in the next few months, but if he doesn't we should likely call a behavior specialist.....but she also said by then we may need to stick them in the same room for a few days and just leave them at it to work out themselves. But definitely not to try that yet.
Our problem is that I don't know if any of us can handle 3 more months of 5-8 time outs a day, and Lotto being so depressed. Not to mention, I don't want to ruin my still mostly positive relationship with Bucky. Is it time to just separate the two and take turns in the house vs a room?
I'm just at a loss. We've literally tried everything we know of - distraction from fighting with food or toys (Bucky much prefers the fighting)....tiring him out with wand toys and games and chasing all day (he still finds reserves for fighting)....trying to clicker train him (he is too distractable, and not motivated enough by food....although I think this will be good for when he is older and less erratic)....time out....feliway....???? Is NOW time for the behavior specialist, or is it too early b/c of Bucky's age?
As a side note, my husband blew up a surgical glove this morning, and tied it off for Bucky. Bucky started playing with it, and even Lotto (curious that he is) came over to watch. Now that it is 1/2 deflated, Bucky is trotting around PROUDLY with his newfound (deflating) prey! HA HA HA HA HA!
See....he's too cute to give away....so what do we do for the next 3 months to get some semblance of peace back????? Any help is so very much appreciated!
L
