One stressed mommy

[Kristin]

Zeddie and I have a very strong connection as well, but anytime I do something stupid like bring in another animal I get the cold shoulder. She did it for weeks when I brought home a wee foster kitten, she did it with this current foster and it lasted a few weeks...she even does it with my dog sitting dog, which has come over regularly since long before she was born. It sounds like Lotto needs some time to realize he is still your number 1.

 

[l.i.t]

...getting a cat for a cat is a good thought but idealistic...as long as Lotto checks out healthy remind yourself just 1 time: Lotto did not want a new pet in the house so I hope you did. Your choices are numerous but Lotto doesn't want to spend time alone with you while he "NEEDS" to be sure the new kitty isn't stepping over invisible lines drawn by Lotto... it's a cat thing, an adult control freak sort of thing, lol. Since Lotto is neither food nor toy motivated WHAT is he motivated by besides territory? In my house I would attempt to give Lotto some thing better to do than obsess over Bucky

Eddies.... The funny thing - a year ago, I posted that Lotto was bored ("Mom, I'm bored" thread) and the consensus was largely that we should get him a companion. It took a while b/c we had to get special dispensation from our HOA. That being said, we did not only get Bucky JUST for Lotto. We have almost always had 3 cats at a time, and one of them passed away a year and a half ago - so we wanted another Savannah. But Lotto was a significant factor.

That being said, I'm not sure how I would have known the quarantine was not enough. And we really are doing the best we can at this point. Everything was already arranged before BIL died, so unless we were doing to forfeit a significant deposit, we were tied in. And we were excited to see, meet,and love Bucky.

At this point I'm not really worried. I know they will work it out - these are not the first cats we have introduced. But Lotto is the first kitten who ever imprinted on me. And I guess what I really should have asked from the beginning is.... Is this normal and is there anything I can do to make their transition easier.

All that being said, you asked what motivated Lotto - well, the past year it was either live birds, lizards, bugs, or playing/companionship with me. I functioned as his playmate, but I couldn't chase him around all day every day. So, please, what would you use to motivate him to focus on something other than Bucky? I'm not being coy, because for a year I haven't known what to do to keep him engaged - he's a very bright cat, and clicker training would have been ideal, but we got nowhere b/c affection wasn't enough to make him want to learn. I am open for suggestions.

No, I don't like to see him unhappy, but I do realize there will be a degree of that no matter what. And I'm working with what I've got. My husband is not really holding up his end of the job, so I'm trying the best I can.

 

[l.i.t]

Kristin, thank you for the reassurance. It's good to know what other people have been through, that there are similarities, and that animals will eventually get back to their normal selves. Lotto is the first kitten we've raised (all our other cats have been rescues), and he's been imprinted on me almost since day one. So I do worry about him in the same sense that a parent worries about a kid. But I do love Bucky, and want to make sure I am doing what I can to make both their lives easier as they get used to each other. But knowing that I'm not the first person that has gotten the 'cold shoulder' helps. Sometimes it seems (reading on here) that there is a perfect formula. So I just want to make sure I am doing what I can. I do know time will be the best cure. And I also know they will be fine.

 

[WitchyWoman]

Lotto will come around. He'll do it at his choosing. Keep doing what you're doing with the love and play even if he appears not to be as involved as he once was. He is getting used to sharing space and mommy and in the end, he'll come back to mommy.

Each of mine did the same thing when a new kitten arrived. And, remember that Lotto is maturing and some of the behavior you're seeing is simply a cat changing due to live stages. There came a time with each of mine when I was persona non grata relegated to providing food and litter box maintenance. And then out of the blue that changed and they each went back to wanting their momma.

 

[Eddies]

Quarantine can be used for both the new arrival & the existing cat; going backwards now will just prolong the learning to get along stage now. Perhaps a couple toys to engage Bucky in the room with you & Lotto, if Bucky is in the room but busy with a toy Lotto has him in his sights & is still in the same room with you... I'm assuming Bucky is playing with just about anything right now. Mojo & I sit and relax while the other 2 fly around after a laser beam or vibrating balls (actually a dog toy but Eddie likes it). If I sound cold I apologize, it's because I feel you are trying too hard & stressing your self & the kitties. ALOT of men don't mind feeding & playing with pets but do not want to clean up after them; hence the 3 days a week I "happily" clean litter boxes (all 5). You can't force the kits to be friends but they will go from tolerating each other to expecting the other to be there, to a typical kitty "Well good morning"... this period will be over soon enough & you will have 2 cats vying for your attention again; TIME is your best friend...yesterday is gone, today is what matters & you control the toys, food, atmosphere...Feliway could help Lotto relax but I'll warn you it doesn't always work to calm kittens- it did nothing to Eddie but the other cats definitely relaxed. It took a couple days, I used 2 plugins for 2 months...then kept 1 in the kitty room for another month... creates a false sense of security so it couldn't hurt where Lotto is concerned.

 

[l.i.t]

Thanks, you guys. Eddies, I did try your idea of letting Bucky play, and Lotto and I watching. I couldn't get Lotto go go into an enclosed room, so I put Bucky's toy over by Lotto in the cat tower - Bucky played, and I spoke softly to Lotto the whole time. I do think it helped a little bit.

I think what I haven't noticed until the past couple of days is that Lotto and Bucky's 'play' seems to be escalating to 'fights'. I think Lotto enjoyed/tolerated it better in the beginning because Bucky had lost a lot of his baby teeth. But as his new teeth are growing/have grown in, the escalation is getting painful for Lotto. Now when they start to play, it escalates quickly into fighting (at least from Lotto's perspective). Lotto will growl, hiss, swat, and bite Bucky to end it. But Bucky doesn't want to stop playing, and will chase him and do it again. Eventually it ends up with Lotto yeowling, growling, hissing, spitting, and making genuine cat fighting sounds, then finally running under the bed.

We did start shutting Bucky out of the bedroom at night to give our other cats (and ourselves) a break. Of course, Lotto ended up opening the door at 4am and let Bucky in ;-) So I guess there must be a part of him that is not averse to being in the same room as Bucky.

I did contact their breeder, and she said Bucky was like that with her older F2, as well. That any fighting back from her older F2 would 'egg Bucky on' and it would turn into a genuine fight until her f2 bit hard enough to hurt. She said that since Lotto is not spending all his time in hiding or refusing to come indoors after a walk, that it's probably something they will have to work out for themselves.....as long as they don't cause injury or draw blood. It's just hard to watch/hear when one cat is crying in distress.

The only good part is that Lotto no longer is giving me the cold shoulder. I don't know what changed, but he will now rub me and bump me, again. Not as much as usual, but I attribute that to him being tired and frustrated with the living situation.

Sooooo....we'll just wait and see. My husband and I have pretty much just taken a seat in the audience the past few days. We'll keep a watch, and hope that something happens to turn the tide so that they can go back to just playing happily instead of where we are now. Honestly, a week ago, I thought "they are playing beautifully". Guess you never can tell.

 

[Patti]

If the aggression continues I would recommend you read Cat vs. Cat by Pam Johnson-Bennett - it might give you some insight into their behavior and provide you with some ideas on how to better manage their aggression. If the situation escalates you might want to consider contacting Marilyn Krieger, the Cat Coach to see if she can help bring peace to the household: http://thecatcoach.com/

 

[l.i.t]

What a difference a month makes......!

This mommy is no longer stressed. As it turns out, coupled with the depression from BIL's death, it seems that when Bucky was being released from quarantine, I was coming down with a case of the shingles, as well. Now I understand a little more why I felt so 'stressed'....

Anyhow, a Christmas visit from the family also provided a well needed 'break' for Bucky and Lotto. My family was able to provide some additional entertainment for Bucky (and vice versa), and Lotto was able to get some peace and quiet time to himself. My assessment now is just that it takes Lotto a very long time to trust another cat/kitten, and that until that happens, he is just unable to be distracted by much. But resting went a long way toward his coming back to his old self.

Gradually, he and Bucky have gone from mostly fighting to mostly playing with small tiffs about every 3 days or so. Currently, Lotto is coming out as the alpha, as Bucky wants to play with him so badly that he is 'learning' how to back off. I'm not sure how long that will last, though, as at 5 1/2 months, Bucky was already 10 1/2 lbs! Tootie and Bucky have also made progress, as Bucky has realized that if he doesn't attack Tootie, she will occasionally play with him or let him sit on the window sill next to her to watch the rabbits and birds. It's amazing what a motivator play and companionship is.

Bucky, although not a very affectionate kitty in the conventional sense, has been showing his affection in his own ways. When I get home from an outing, he will purr and stand up to bump my hand....and he will often come get right in our faces and sniff and purr at random times throughout the day. He is still definitely the jock, and likes to play more than anything. But he wants to be involved in everything that we do and now usually sleeps with us in bed, as well.

Lotto and Bucky still have some things to work out - for instance, Bucky wants/likes to sleep with Lotto, and Lotto doesn't particularly care to have Bucky sleeping with him at this time. So occasionally, when Lotto is REALLY tired, they will have a few minutes of sleep time....but then Lotto will wake up a little, growl, and move away. And they also have to work out who will be sleeping where in the bed, as Lotto doesn't seem too keen on sharing his space behind my legs. But in the grand scheme of things, these are minor issues which they will eventually figure out on their own.

Peace has returned to the household (most of the time), and everyone seems a little bit more relaxed and used to the 'pattern' of things.

Thank you for all the advice, and sorry to bother everyone with what are probably the usual introductory woes. Apparently I just had too much going on at once, and with a concurrent illness, was not up to my usual standard!

 

[WitchyWoman]

It's always nice to receive updates, especially when progress is made. I'm happy to hear that a routine is being established to everyone's comfort. Things can only get better from here. And remember that we are picture fanatics here -- hint, hint.

 

[admin]

Glad to hear things are calming down and working out! They will figure it out and a few tiffs here and there must be a big relief!

Shingles is so painful and debilitating, so be sure to take care of yourself!